Don't bring a clipboard to an interview and reference your notes that are handwritten on a copy of your resume from it. Ever.
Also, do not refer to yourself in the fucking third person. i.e. "Portland was too big for Mike". Not ok.
Finally, if you did, indeed, work at Enterprise Rent a Car at some point, you most certainly cannot, under any circumstances, make a Step Brothers style reference to it. He literally said "They encouraged me to not only manage a branch, but to BRANCH myself".
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