I'm a 30something Recruiter, and this blog is where I am going to write about the random people I interview, and a few of the random people I date....
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
How many are in there?
Ok, i just opened up a new internet thing and the headline at the top is "Jessica Simpson planning outfit for the baby to wear home from the hospital". How has she not had that kid yet? Are you kidding me? That kids gonna be enormous. It's gonna walk out of her vag, take the SAT and apply to college....you have GOT to be fucking kidding me with this. Nobody, on the whole earth, is ever going to want to see this chick naked again. Good thing you had that whole Dukes of Hazard moment where you bulemia'd yourself into some short shorts and rolled around on a sudsy car, sweetheart, and Praise Sweet Baby Jesus someone paid you for that and caught it on film, cuz that shit is never, ever going to snap back.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
There's a new man....
that's right. I said man. Not boy. Not adolescent. But like, an honest to goodness fucking MAN!
This one has potential. Stay tuned for updates on him.
In the meantime, I think tomorrow may be a perfect day to introducer The Big Finisher!
Yeah, if you have heard any of this nightmare, you know what's coming to ya, cupcakes!
This one has potential. Stay tuned for updates on him.
In the meantime, I think tomorrow may be a perfect day to introducer The Big Finisher!
Yeah, if you have heard any of this nightmare, you know what's coming to ya, cupcakes!
You ain't been in love....
If you haven’t contemplated murder, you ain’t been in love. If you haven’t held a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for forty-five minutes straight, you ain’t been in love. And the only thing that’s stopped you from killing this motherfucker was a episode of CSI: ‘Oh man, they thorough. I better make up. They might catch my ass.’
— Chris Rock
Friday, December 23, 2011
Happy Christmahannaqwanzakah
Or whatever the hell you celebrate. I hope you receive all the gifts you want, and if you don't, I hope you earn enough to buy them yourself. Because charity starts at home, loves. And don't forget, Jack Daniels has been helping people cope with the holidays, since 1866.
Merry Christmas - Love - RG
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
THIS is why I am over the Fireman
Listen. With cell phones, text messaging, instant messaging, Facebook messaging, Skype, etc etc etc, “I’m too busy” just isn’t an excuse, especially when it happens repeatedly. You’re not being needy, you’re not making it up in your head, but you are getting the blowoff.
I’ve been waiting to share this story, and this is a perfect opportunity: My girlfriend is dating a guy who travels all over the world for work, for weeks at a time. Recently, I asked how that was going and she said he’d been texting her from Antarctica. ANTARCTICA.
If someone wants to make the effort, he will, and that’s the truth. Text messages are the minimal effort someone should give, and if he can’t, it’s because he doesn’t feel like it.
Thank you for stating the obvious, BBlove. I needed that.
I’ve been waiting to share this story, and this is a perfect opportunity: My girlfriend is dating a guy who travels all over the world for work, for weeks at a time. Recently, I asked how that was going and she said he’d been texting her from Antarctica. ANTARCTICA.
If someone wants to make the effort, he will, and that’s the truth. Text messages are the minimal effort someone should give, and if he can’t, it’s because he doesn’t feel like it.
Thank you for stating the obvious, BBlove. I needed that.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
I want you to show meeeeeeee.....
I had a late night. Or an early morning, depending on how you look at it. Let's suffice it to say, it involved a few fun people, multiple bars and ended with us closing a strip club. Now let's just be clear, I love a strip club! Those are some hardworking ladies! I made a friend last night, I think her name is Amber, but she tells people it's Asa, but I think she told me her "not dancer name" because I can keep a secret (clearly). Anyway, Amber/Asa and I slow danced on the stage, 8th grade style and including a few twirls of each other around - her in a skimpy outfit, me in my clothes - to Foreigner "I want to know what love is". Then she took my business card, and she told me she would take me horseback riding next week cuz I'm "super adorable". I'm pretty certain she is going to be my new bff. I'm just hoping we have the same shoe size, because I have zero heels that are clear.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Just sayin!
Thanks, once again, to the nice guys who roofied my friend and I at the Pac 12 Championship game. It was super fun, you waste of human life. Go fuck yourself.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming....
www.anthonybergen.com. Mothereffing genius:
Possible Blasphemy
Possible Blasphemy
I saw something today about how people are outraged that E! spent $17 million on Kim Kardashian’s 72-day-long marriage, and how that money could have been spent to help a lot of people. It’s absolutely true, and I totally agree, but the person to blame isn’t Kim Kardashian. It’s the people who watch her TV shows, buy her shitty products, and snap up every magazine that she’s on the cover on just because she’s got a tremendous ass, made a sex tape, and is the daughter of the guy who probably hid O.J.’s knife for him (ALLEGEDLY).
But forget about Kim Kardashian and E! and that $17 million for a second. Actually, don’t forget about it — keep it in your mind as we make a comparison.
Do you realize that Avatar cost nearly $500 million to produce and promote? FIVE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS. That’s a half-billion dollars. Sure, Kim Kardashian and E! could have fed a lot of hungry people and paid a lot of tuition for college students, but the money spent creating Avatar — which was basically a metaphor for American mistreatment of Native Americans/indictment of industrial greed and imperialism and the Iraq War/love story of the environment/and a little bit of aliens crossed with Smurfs — could have pretty much solved the economic crisis.
So, yeah, you’re an asshole if you give attention and business to E! and Kim Kardashian, but you’re an even bigger asshole if you bought a ticket or DVD for Avatar. The point I’m trying to make is this: the problem isn’t the 1%, it’s the 99%. The problem is US. We have all of power necessary to change these things, but we don’t.
But forget about Kim Kardashian and E! and that $17 million for a second. Actually, don’t forget about it — keep it in your mind as we make a comparison.
Do you realize that Avatar cost nearly $500 million to produce and promote? FIVE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS. That’s a half-billion dollars. Sure, Kim Kardashian and E! could have fed a lot of hungry people and paid a lot of tuition for college students, but the money spent creating Avatar — which was basically a metaphor for American mistreatment of Native Americans/indictment of industrial greed and imperialism and the Iraq War/love story of the environment/and a little bit of aliens crossed with Smurfs — could have pretty much solved the economic crisis.
So, yeah, you’re an asshole if you give attention and business to E! and Kim Kardashian, but you’re an even bigger asshole if you bought a ticket or DVD for Avatar. The point I’m trying to make is this: the problem isn’t the 1%, it’s the 99%. The problem is US. We have all of power necessary to change these things, but we don’t.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
DUII
First, this is not, nor should it be construed as, legal advice. This is just a few facts I wanted to share, my personal "opinion", if you will.
Second, don't do it. Don't drink and drive. The cost of cab fair is far, far less than the statutory minimum fine in most states. Just take a damn cab.
Again, not advocating drunk or buzzed driving whatsoever. Just passing along information that may prove valuable if you ignore the advice to take a cab and get behind the wheel with ANY alcohol in your system.
Happy Holidays!
Second, don't do it. Don't drink and drive. The cost of cab fair is far, far less than the statutory minimum fine in most states. Just take a damn cab.
- Be polite, but don’t think you can charm your way out of a ticket. Particularly at this time of year, they have already called in your license plate number and you are almost in the system now. Everything you say is subject to being quoted or misquoted.
- On answering the “have you had anything to drink tonight?” It would be inappropriate for me to suggest anyone lie to a police officer, although lying to a police officer is not a crime in most states. That said, the laws generally prohibit “driving under the influence,” not “driving while intoxicated.” In most jurisdictions, this means the state need only prove you were influenced. Having a .08 is, in most jurisdictions, a legal standard for being under the influence, but I know several people who were successfully charged, despite only having a .06 (and even lower). By telling the police officer that (1) you have drank; (2) when you last drank; or (3) how much you drank is just handing the state evidence against you.
- Breathalyzer: you should almost never refuse it, as you will automatically lose your license for at least a year. However, and your jurisdiction may vary, but in most jurisdictions, the “field” breathalyzer (that administered on the side of the road) is inadmissible in court. It is only used to gather “probable cause” to arrest you for drunk driving, and when you are at the police station, you will be asked to take an official one. In my state, you can lawfully refuse the “field” breathalyzer if you tell the officer that you will submit to the official breathalyzer (or blood test) at the police station. If you are on the margins of .08, this will buy you additional time, which is the only thing that brings that number down.
- Field sobriety tests: This is the “touch your nose, say the alphabet, walk the line” test. Again, your jurisdiction may vary, but in most, the field sobriety test is not mandatory - you won’t lose your license for a year or anything. This is because the test is subjective and completely dependent on the officer’s observations (“subject slurred the letter g,” “subject slightly weaved while walking the line”). Unless it is videotaped, you have no way to challenge the officer’s report of how you performed. At least in Washington, it is the strong advice of top DUI attorneys that you NEVER take the field sobriety test, as you are just giving them evidence that can rarely be challenged, and is given a strong presumption of truth because an officer of the law swore to it. Politely decline and again offer to take a breath or blood test at the station.
- Keep your mouth shut: Bears repeating. It rarely, rarely helps you and almost always hurts you. Be polite, be succinct, volunteer nothing.
Again, not advocating drunk or buzzed driving whatsoever. Just passing along information that may prove valuable if you ignore the advice to take a cab and get behind the wheel with ANY alcohol in your system.
Happy Holidays!
Friday, November 18, 2011
EXACTLY! The always amazing, Mindy Kalling, took the words right out of my enormous mouth....
Until I was 30, I dated only boys. I’ll tell you why: Men scared the sh*t out of me. Men know what they want. Men own alarm clocks. Men sleep on a mattress that isn’t on the floor. Men buy new shampoo instead of adding water to a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. Men make reservations. Men go in for a kiss without giving you some long preamble about how they’re thinking of kissing you. Men wear clothes that have never been worn by anyone else before […] At this point you might want to smack me and say: “Are you seriously just another grown woman talking about how she wants a man who isn’t afraid of commitment?” Let me explain! I’m not talking about commitment to romantic relationships. I’m talking about commitment to things—houses, jobs, neighborhoods. Paying a mortgage. When men hear women want a commitment, they think it means commitment to a romantic relationship, but that’s not it. It’s a commitment to not floating around anymore. I want a guy who is entrenched in his own life. Entrenched is awesome
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I wish
I had a life coach to follow me around, taking the Jack and Cokes out of my hand.....you know, before shit gets weird? That is a service I would pay for.
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